John F. Kennedy Junior Jokes
Jokes about George's former CEO
by Mark Liberator [Updated April 30th, 2004]

Did you hear about Arby's new Martha's Vineyard Salad?
It contains pieces of apples, cranberries and is covered with a robust rasberry vinegrette dressing. Don't forget to go New England and order a few shiney, pink, chunks of JFK Jr. brains.

Where can you find more information on JFK Jr?
The Dredge Report

Pierre Salinger says the left wing fell off.
Must be a right wing conspiracy.

People magazine just voted JFK Jr the sexiest man not alive.

What was the forecast at Martha's Vineyard?
Hazy, with widely scattered bodies and debris.

What was the temperature off of Martha's Vineyard?
Three below.

What was JFK Jr drinking just before the crash?
Ocean Spray.

What were JFK Jr's favorite movies?
Splash, Eyes Wide Shut, Waterworld, and Deep Impact

What do Kennedys' fear most?
Old age. Dying of natural causes.

Why was JFK Jr flying that night?
Teddy Kennedy offered him a lift.

What if Teddy Kennedy was aboard?

  1. They could have used him as a flotation device.
  2. Teddy would have swam to shore.
  3. Everyone else would have still drowned.
What group is making a comeback?
The Dead Kennedys

What scandal will JFK Jr be known for?
Going down on Gay Head

What do most pilots agree about JFK Jr?
He would have nailed that landing on the third try.

How many Kennedys does it take to change a lightbulb.
Know one knows. Kennedys don't last as long as ligh bulbs and are not as bright.

Why aren't there more JFK Jr jokes out there?
They just haven't surfaced yet.

Who was the prior owner of the Piper airplane?

Who built the airplane?
John Denver

What's the tragedy about this accident?
Teddy Kennedy wasn't along for the ride.

What was JFK Jr's last words?
"I said pull back the joystick, not pull out the joystick."

How does JFK Jr like his drinks?
Watered down

What did they say at South Park when they heard the news about JFK Jr?

What does JFK JR stand for?
Joins Father Kennedy, Jinx Returns

What are some tips when being around the Kennedys?

  1. Don't fly with Joe or JFK Jr.
  2. Don't get in a boat with Jack.
  3. Don't ride in a convertable with Jack.
  4. Don't ride with Ted unless a window is down.
  5. Stay out of Bobby's way in the kitchen.
  6. Don't go skiing with Michael.
  7. Don't let Michael babysit your kids.
  8. Don't go out on a date with William Kennedy Smith.
What did JFK Jr say when they took his ashes out to sea?
"Oh no. Not again."

If the Kennedys are like royalty in the US, what is JFK Jr's title?
Prince of Tides

What about JFK Jr's future as a political leader?
Dead in the water.

Have you heard that the Franklin Mint will issue a JFK Jr Commemorative coin set?
It will be all halves and quarters.

What did the board of directors do at George Magazine when they heard JFK Jr had died?
They swore in Lyndon Baines Johnson, Jr as the new editor-in-chief.

Why did Maria Shriver marry Arnold Schwarzenegger?
To breed a bullet-proof, drown-proof Kennedy that could ski.

How do the Kennedys teach their children how to swim?
First you get out of the vehicle and float to the surface. JFK Jr did not know how to swim.

Did you hear that JFK Jr is laying in state?
The state of Massachusetts, the state of Rhode Island, and the state of Connecticut.

How do you find JFK Jr in the phone book?
Look under water.

How did they do JFK Jr's autopsy?
They pieced it together.

What did JFK Jr buy at Martha's Vineyard?
He bought the farm.

What was the headline in the National Enquirer after hearing about JFK Jr?

What's JFK Jr's favorite eating place?
Red Lobster

Why didn't Superman rescue JFK Jr?
He is still confined to a wheel chair.

Why is JFK Jr just like his dad?
Can't take a blow to the head very well.

What was the last thing JFK Jr did?
Wave goodbye.

What's the difference between a golfer and a Kennedy?
A golfer goes whack, then says fuck! A Kennedy says fuck, then whack!

Michael Kennedy and JFK Jr both did a lot in their lifetime and were dying to get into politics. I just don't know who had the greater impact.

At least Ethyl Kennedy doesn't have to shop for a black dress.

What's the new nickname of John John?
John Buoy. Bob.

Remember the good old days when the Kennedys killed their women one at a time?

Why didn't JFK Jr enter heaven?
He failed the entrance exam. Twice.

[BIG thanks to Bill Wall.]

Q. Why didn't JFK Jr. take a shower before he left for the Vineyard?
A. He said he'd wash up on shore!

Q. What will they name the movie about JFK Jr.?
A. Three funerals and a wedding.

Q. What's the Kennedy's flying motto?
A. Your luggage will arrive before you do!

Q. What do Kennedy's miss most about Martha's Vineyard?
A. The runway.

Q. Why was JFK Jr. flying to the Vineyard?
A. He wanted to crash his cousin's wedding.

[Thanks to Robert Biggs & alt.humor.]

What was the last thing on JFK jr's mind before he died?
His plane's console.

Everyone keeps saying how good looking and popular JFK jr was.
It just goes to show that he was twice the lady killer as his uncle Ted.
[Thanks to Mr. Webb.]

Did you hear about the new Baywatch spinoff?
It co-stars JFK jr. and Loyd Bridges. It's called 'Plain to See.'

Who did JFK jr. meet on his last flight?
Natalie Wood

What kind of coffee did JFK jr. drink on the day of his death?
Maxwellhouse...'It's good to the last drop.'

What do Bob Dole and JFK jr. have in common?
They both couldn't get it up if their lives depended on it.

Who was JFK jr.'s favorite musical artist?
We don't know but JFK jr. and John Denver couldn't fly worth a damn.

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