by an unknown writer

16. Every time she cuts her 8 a.m. class, CNN switches to a live feed from the lecture hall.

15. The Political Science textbook only contains pictures from her "dumpy" years.

14. Social life hampered by mandatory Secret Service body cavity search of potential dates.

13. No room in dorm for all those boxes of missing Whitewater documents.

12. Daddy won't sign the Cafeteria Food Reform Bill.

11. No one wants to waste good pot on a Clinton.

10. Steamy makeout sessions usually end with the guy getting his ass kicked by the Secret Service.

9. Tipper no longer around to clean up after her and Socks.

8. Every boy who hits on you winds up on a "peacekeeping force" in Bosnia within 48 hours.

7. Constant comparisons to notable Stanford alum Ted Koppel usually refer to physical resemblance.

6. Bourbon shots not free like the ones "Uncle Ted" serves back home.

5. Drunken frat boys always confusing her with Amy Carter.

4. Football coach keeps begging her to get Janet Reno to enroll.

3. RA's write you up if the Chinese Delegates stay past midnight.

2. Anatomy lab cadaver none other than Vince Foster.

and the Number 1 Chelsea Clinton Pet Peeve About College...

1. The man makes 200 grand a year -- you'd think he could bring his own weed when he visits.

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