Fun Things to Do in a Department Store
Submitted by Lazarus [e-mail: Lazarus@slip.net]
- Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and leaving them at random locations in the store.
- Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it.
- Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals during the day.
- Try on bras over top of your clothes.
- Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
- Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares!" and see what happens.
- Tune all the radios to a polka station then turn them all off and turn the volumes to full.
- Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
- Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
- Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from the other aisles.
- Move the "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
- Set up a tent in the camping department, tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
- Nonchalantly test the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
- When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
- Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
- Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
- Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
- While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
- Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
- Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
- Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
- In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" with various funnels.
- Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like, "Pick me! Pick me!" scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
- When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
- Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
- Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.
- If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink, explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
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