Fun Things to Do in a Department Store
Submitted by Lazarus [e-mail:]

  1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and leaving them at random locations in the store.
  2. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it.
  3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals during the day.
  4. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
  5. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
  6. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares!" and see what happens.
  7. Tune all the radios to a polka station then turn them all off and turn the volumes to full.
  8. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
  9. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
  10. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from the other aisles.
  11. Move the "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
  12. Set up a tent in the camping department, tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
  13. Nonchalantly test the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
  14. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
  15. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
  16. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
  17. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
  18. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
  19. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
  20. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
  21. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
  22. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" with various funnels.
  23. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like, "Pick me! Pick me!" scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
  24. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
  25. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
  26. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax.
  27. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink, explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

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